BACON EXPLOSION!!

WARNING: If you don’t like appalling displays of meatiness, you’ll want to stop here. Otherwise, strap on your drooling bib and get ready to catch the drips.

Profiled by The New York Times and reviled by lovers of heart health everywhere, the Bacon Explosion is one part bacon, one part sausage, and all parts belly-busting. My co-worker Adam has been talking about it basically since the day he started at our company years ago; in fact, he probably mentioned his desire to concoct one and bring it into the office to share in order to get hired.

In the throngs of grilling season, he finally made good on his word and brought us two ludicrous four-pound logs of meat, all covered in Sweet Baby Ray’s best BBQ sauce. It was crumbled bacon wrapped in sausage latticed in bacon, and the sound of our “mmm”-ing and “ohmygod”-ing in the lunchroom was deafening.

The myth. The legend. The meat.

The man of the hour. He’s a low-carb dieter, so this was actually not too off-plan for him. Well, except for the 5000 calories and 500 grams of fat the Times accords it.

It was sausagey and

bacony at the same time

and can really only be described with one word, used with its true meaning in mind:

It was awash in sweetness and spiciness, chewiness and crispiness, meatiness and meatiness. It wasn’t what you’d call a balanced dish; there was nothing to cut the fat, as they say, nothing bright nor fresh about it. It was pure richness, and when combined with Popeye’s biscuits, it was like a holy trinity.

We all took the biggest slice we felt comfortable keeping our other co-workers from, thinking we’d come back later for seconds and thirds, but most of us pooped out even before the first round was over. This thing was filling. For mind, body, and soul.