Unbalanced Diet 1

I’ll Just Have a Salad

As someone who basically refuses to eat uncooked greens unless they’re the starter before a giant steak, the second photo warms my heart.

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And I would’ve been happy to attend no matter what but was especially glad that I did when Dr. Boyfriend and I arrived at the Allan Stone Gallery and found out that her stuff is really good. Like, the so-real-they-look-like-photos type of good that you know you could never do yourself. For example:

She sold this while we were there. Whoo!

Peter Anton was sharing the space with her and was just as exciting. We started with his stuff and worked our way back to Gina’s, so I ended up getting exponentially more photos of his pieces before the place closed for the evening. (Sorry, Gina!)

Kamran and I truly believe we’re the only people in the world who love circus peanuts.
This alone has kept us. together for 2+ years.

Butt cherry!

I would totally have eaten this right off the floor had it been real.

So, yeah, the show is definitely worth seeing, as if you couldn’t tell from the photos. And luckily for you, it runs for another month still.

Allan Stone Gallery
113 East 90th Street
New York, NY 10128
Through June 19th

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Case in point: Mo’s Bacon Bar by Vosges Haute Chocolat, modeled here by my boyfriend and fellow smoked meats fan, Kamran:

We spotted it amongst the coffee-flavored beer and the tofu jerky at Whole Foods, and since my co-worker Tim is always raving about his bacon-flavored gum, we went for it. The website directs you to “rub your thumb over the chocolate bar to release the aromas of smoked applewood bacon flirting with deep milk chocolate” and to “snap off just a tiny piece and place it in your mouth, let the lust of salt and sweet coat your tongue”. (Comma splice and all.)

We, of course, gobbled the thing without savoring a minute of it, but let me tell you–we still felt pretty lusty. It wasn’t just slices of pork dipped in chocolate like I’d feared (and like Kamran had wished) but was a solid bar of dark chocolate with tiny, super-crispy chunks. Initially, it was sort of like biting into a Nestle Crunch, because all I got was texture. But then the saltiness hit. And then the slightest bit of baconness.

So what I’m saying is that if you like red meatstuffs, your reaction will be along the lines of this:

But if you aren’t fond of the idea of flesh in your desserts, Mo’s Bacon Bar will still likely not completely gross you out. At $8 ($7.50 on the website), though, you may just want to throw some salt on your Hershey’s and call it even. Or try out the completely vegan and hilarious-in-a-confusing-way bacolicio.us, which my extra-meaty friend Mike brought to my attention this weekend.

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One afternoon while my boyfriend, Kamran, and I were busy stuffing our faces with French fries in paper cones at Pommes Frites, we decided to stop in the Japanese toy store next door despite the fact that it was up a dark, unmarked stairway. Most of the store was comprised of glass cases filled with every imaginable Be@rbrick, a collectible sort-of plastic bear that confused us sooooo much, but the entire wall of boxes with pictures of miniature food on them had me mesmerized.

Except for the safety warning, all of the writing was in Japanese, so I had no idea what I was really getting into, but a sign on the wall scolded people for opening the boxes, so I got the feeling their contents were supposed to be a surprise. I had a tough time choosing between the boxes covered in cakes and pies and the boxes covered in sushi, and even though I don’t care for fish in real life, I’ve been secretly coveting the salmon stapler I bought Kamran from The Brooklyn Museum a while back. Plus, with my intense love of baked goods, I was a little scared I might actually try to ingest the things.

I settled in with my surprise box at home,

Hooray! A photo that totally clashes with my layout!

and found a long strip of plastic with separate pouches for each of the pieces:

I was so, so pleased to have chosen the set with both a handroll

and a couple of shrimp, even though that’s basically the last thing I’d ever order in an actual sushi joint:

There was even dessert!; I mean, if you count melon as dessert, which I totally don’t:

I arranged them carefully in Kamran’s apartment (against his wishes), as if I was going to partake with three of my closest miniature friends:

And then I . . . umm . . . put everything back in the box, because that’s pretty much all you can do with it.

But how fun!, right? I can’t wait to be a crazy old cat lady who fills her house with Japanese food miniatures. Check out Re-Ment International to drool over all of the other sets, and stock up on plenty of them for me for Christmas. At $3.99 per box, you can buy a hell of a lot of them with all that money you were going to spend on the Nintendo Wii you didn’t get me last year.

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