offbeat eats,  recipes . . . FOR DISASTER

Office S’Mores

December 8, 2009

Fun things to do after hours at the office when you’re hungry:

1) Grab two space heaters and place them on the floor, facing one another.

2) Find a random metal rod on a nearby desk that may or may not be used to itch someone’s butt.

3) Procure leftover ghost-shaped Halloween marshmallows from the candy bowl at the reception desk. (Note that though marshmallows are orange and brown and may appear to be flavored, they are, in fact, just like white marshmallows.)

4) Stab the leftover ghost-shaped Halloween marshmallows with the random metal rod.

5) Hold the marshmallows between the opposing heaters for ten minutes.

6) Grow anxious and pop the metal grate off of one heater so as to get the marshmallows closer to the heat source.

7) Rejoice as the marshmallows actually brown within moments.

8.) Steal a package of totally-savory-and-not-at-all-appropriate-for-s’mores Melba toast off of a co-worker’s desk in the absence of graham crackers.

9) Melt a Tootsie Roll in the microwave in the absence of a chocolate bar.

10) Top Melta toast with Tootsie Roll and heater-browned marshmallow.

11) Savor your fake s’more like nobody’s ever savored a fake s’more before.

12) Feel a little bit bad about yourself for being pathetic.

13) But mostly just feel awesome.

16 Comments

  • spaghedeity

    December 8, 2009 at 10:05 am

    14) eat your fake s’more while watching the ice caps melt away from all the CO2 emitted to power your energy inefficient space heaters.

    • plumpdumpling

      December 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm

      This is Why You’re Fat should basically just follow me around for a day next time they need enough material to fill a book. And then document the impending quadruple-bypass surgery that results.

      That Oreo s’more looks AWESOME, though.

  • Tracey

    December 9, 2009 at 10:52 am

    This should be a Quickfire on Top Chef. They let them loose in an office with no kitchen, no vending machines, and no cooking utensils of any kind, and they just need to improvise with whatever they can find. You would have won that challenge hands down.

    Also, we need to make s’mores out of the Peeps you left here when you’re home next. With real chocolate, though. I can’t handle Tootsie rolls.

    • plumpdumpling

      December 14, 2009 at 1:40 pm

      Shooooooooooooooooooooot, man, I can’t believe I left those Halloween Peeps behind. I wasn’t lying when I said they were better than regular Peeps. Maybe because I feel bad about eating chicks with their eyes still on.

      I’d be scared of that “Top Chef” challenge, because our refrigerator is full of leftovers from up to six weeks ago, and I don’t put it past them to use those.

  • Eating The Road

    December 14, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    Speaking of “quite the baller”, this is genius! I love smores and I’ve been wanting one so badly recently…I’ve got to try this.

    ….but FYI, I am “quite the baller” :P

    • plumpdumpling

      December 14, 2009 at 10:27 pm

      I’m not quite sure that Melba toast and Tootsie Rolls will satisfy your s’mores craving. This is more like living-in-NYC-and-practicing-in-case-there’s-another-9/11 type food.

      If you actually ate your Big McSausage Egg Surf & Turf Mac, then your baller status would be undeniable. Until then, I’m unconvinced. ;)

      • Eating The Road

        December 15, 2009 at 6:27 am

        Then it’s undeniable :P

        ….but that’s what I’m saying this is genius and has got to be done with actual smores products. Can I request a redux for Christmas with Honey Maids, Hershey’s and Jet Puffs?

        • plumpdumpling

          December 15, 2009 at 8:34 pm

          Looks like it’s going to happen with the Halloween Peeps I accidentally left at my best friend’s house in Ohio over Thanksgiving. I can’t promise the space heaters, but central heating grates in the floor are just as unclassy, right?