Office S’Mores
December 8th, 2009 by plumpdumpling

Fun things to do after hours at the office when you’re hungry:

1) Grab two space heaters and place them on the floor, facing one another.

2) Find a random metal rod on a nearby desk that may or may not be used to itch someone’s butt.

3) Procure leftover ghost-shaped Halloween marshmallows from the candy bowl at the reception desk. (Note that though marshmallows are orange and brown and may appear to be flavored, they are, in fact, just like white marshmallows.)

4) Stab the leftover ghost-shaped Halloween marshmallows with the random metal rod.

5) Hold the marshmallows between the opposing heaters for ten minutes.

6) Grow anxious and pop the metal grate off of one heater so as to get the marshmallows closer to the heat source.

7) Rejoice as the marshmallows actually brown within moments.

8.) Steal a package of totally-savory-and-not-at-all-appropriate-for-s’mores Melba toast off of a co-worker’s desk in the absence of graham crackers.

9) Melt a Tootsie Roll in the microwave in the absence of a chocolate bar.

10) Top Melta toast with Tootsie Roll and heater-browned marshmallow.

11) Savor your fake s’more like nobody’s ever savored a fake s’more before.

12) Feel a little bit bad about yourself for being pathetic.

13) But mostly just feel awesome.

16 Responses  
  • spaghedeity writes:
    December 8th, 200910:05 amat

    14) eat your fake s’more while watching the ice caps melt away from all the CO2 emitted to power your energy inefficient space heaters.

    • plumpdumpling writes:
      December 8th, 20093:51 pmat

      While petting your methane-emitting cow and styling its hair with your can of Aquanet leftover from the 80s.

  • Noel writes:
    December 8th, 20096:14 pmat

    In case you need more great ideas, did you see this? I think it looks simply scrumptious and not at all gluttonous in the slightest!

    • plumpdumpling writes:
      December 14th, 20091:28 pmat

      This is Why You’re Fat should basically just follow me around for a day next time they need enough material to fill a book. And then document the impending quadruple-bypass surgery that results.

      That Oreo s’more looks AWESOME, though.

  • Bachelor Girl writes:
    December 8th, 200910:48 pmat

    This is why we’re BBFFs: you’re a freakin’ genius.

    Frankly, I think you deserve a Nobel Prize in the Snacks category.

    • plumpdumpling writes:
      December 14th, 20091:37 pmat

      Can you imagine?! If Obama got flack for winning a Nobel for peace, the uproar over a new snacks category would get my house burned down.

  • Tracey writes:
    December 9th, 200910:52 amat

    This should be a Quickfire on Top Chef. They let them loose in an office with no kitchen, no vending machines, and no cooking utensils of any kind, and they just need to improvise with whatever they can find. You would have won that challenge hands down.

    Also, we need to make s’mores out of the Peeps you left here when you’re home next. With real chocolate, though. I can’t handle Tootsie rolls.

    • plumpdumpling writes:
      December 14th, 20091:40 pmat

      Shooooooooooooooooooooot, man, I can’t believe I left those Halloween Peeps behind. I wasn’t lying when I said they were better than regular Peeps. Maybe because I feel bad about eating chicks with their eyes still on.

      I’d be scared of that “Top Chef” challenge, because our refrigerator is full of leftovers from up to six weeks ago, and I don’t put it past them to use those.

      • Tracey writes:
        December 15th, 20092:44 pmat

        BUT, then Padma might get food poisoning and quit the show. Win-win?

        • plumpdumpling writes:
          December 15th, 20098:39 pmat

          Oh, geez, I just had a flashforward of next season’s “Top Chef” and how her baby’s somehow going to be involved. The first quickfire will be baby food made from the contents of diapers.

  • Eating The Road writes:
    December 14th, 20095:20 pmat

    Speaking of “quite the baller”, this is genius! I love smores and I’ve been wanting one so badly recently…I’ve got to try this.

    ….but FYI, I am “quite the baller” :P

    • plumpdumpling writes:
      December 14th, 200910:27 pmat

      I’m not quite sure that Melba toast and Tootsie Rolls will satisfy your s’mores craving. This is more like living-in-NYC-and-practicing-in-case-there’s-another-9/11 type food.

      If you actually ate your Big McSausage Egg Surf & Turf Mac, then your baller status would be undeniable. Until then, I’m unconvinced. ;)

      • Eating The Road writes:
        December 15th, 20096:27 amat

        Then it’s undeniable :P

        ….but that’s what I’m saying this is genius and has got to be done with actual smores products. Can I request a redux for Christmas with Honey Maids, Hershey’s and Jet Puffs?

        • plumpdumpling writes:
          December 15th, 20098:34 pmat

          Looks like it’s going to happen with the Halloween Peeps I accidentally left at my best friend’s house in Ohio over Thanksgiving. I can’t promise the space heaters, but central heating grates in the floor are just as unclassy, right?

  • Eating The Road writes:
    December 15th, 20098:42 pmat

    Hahahaha….I swear, I’ve never met you, but you are one of the coolest peoples eva!

    • plumpdumpling writes:
      December 16th, 20091:21 pmat

      Samesies, bro. In fact, for tomorrow, I’m working on a post inspired by one of your recent chain restaurant conquests. Whee!

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